Jägermeister Drinking Log #1

Out of sheer curiosity and boredom, I decided to conduct a little drinking experiment. I am going to take shots of Jäger every 15 minutes tonight and document the effects. As a preface, I must say that I am a huge alcoholic light weight. I know guys think you’re a pussy if you can’t drink 92 gallons of straight alcohol and walk away, but that’s not me. Get out my maxi pad to sleep on I guess. I actually once went to a doctor because of my intolerance for alcohol and he told me that some people lack an enzyme, or are deficient in it, to the point that their alcohol tolerance is considerably affected.

I love it!

A few shots and I’m done. Cheap, easy, and fast. I see nothing immasculine about that. I’m a lucky man! I don’t have to drink a fifth of vodka to get hammered. I just need a few shots and I’m good to go!

You might want to look at some of these Jäger recipes before you get started. Oh and for those who have asked… to get that damned “ä” character, hold down the alt button and type 0228.

So here is my log from that session.

9:12 pm
I took my first shot of the night. That familiar Vicks Formula 44 flavor burned only slightly on the way down. I noticed a very slight scratchiness in my throat, perhaps because I was already thirsty… so I cracked open a Michelob Ultra and sat down to blog a bit.

I noticed a little earlier tonight that my left index finger was twitching, which reminded me eerily of Michael J. Fox’s autobiographical accounts of his first symptoms of Parkinson’s. Yikes. I guess tonight’s drinking won’t help the matter any, huh? Oh well…

At 9:20 I felt my first extremely small alcohol symptoms, barely noticeable, but I did feel it. Mainly just a slight “hum” to my head, but again that’s only after 1 shot and half a beer.

9:27pm
I walked downstairs and took shot #2. I didn’t feel the burn in my throat this time, but since it has been quite a few hours since I ate, I decided to grab a slice of cheese to follow it down. I’ve heard that cheese is a good companion not just to fine wines, but to any drinking sessions. But if you puke it up, it just makes things messier.

At 9:34pm I’m starting to feel a little stronger buzzed feelings – still pretty mild, but more noticeable. I feel completely aware and my typing skills are completely intact.

9:36pm
I am having my first feelings of relaxation and basic “not giving a shit” feeling – again mild, but nice to feel at this point!

9:42pm
I just took shot #3 and I’m feeling the first two. I have a slight numbness over my body and I am suddenly worried that a few more shots might make me sick. So I ate a granola bar and some tortilla chips. Or will that make things worse? The visual of that coming back up is not good.

Oh shit I have to do something for work real quick too! And I’m having the urge to send random obnoxious text messages over my cell phone. I also notice a slight decline of my motor skills, as my typing is requiring more backspacing than usual… at least sometimes.

I’m remembering the last time I got blitzed – during the Super Bowl – and I started smacking my future step-son’s friend in the face and ragging on him for having a 13-year old girlfriend.

“Did you ever finger her?” I probed.
“Yeah,” he grinned.
“Did it smell like bubble gum?”

Haha!!

At 9:53 I’ve randomly texted a couple people and the numbness has increased a bit. I am reminded that the body can only handle about one shot per hour, so the other two must be floating around in there somewhere, fucking with my head.

9:55pm
It’s almost time for the next shot and I’m wondering if I even want one! I should keep eating so it doesn’t bother my stomach. I feel a kind of warm feeling in my stomach. I think that warmness could turn on me at any moment.

10:04pm
I took shot #4 a few minutes late as I was texting my future step son and my nephew. My nephew lives with two girls and I keep asking him why he hasn’t had a little action there yet.

I’m feeling pretty numb and my motor skills are declining. I also had another handful of chips to help soak up all the Jäger in my stomach. I noticed that the last shot didn’t seem to taste as good as the previous three.

I notice that my extremities feel somewhat numb. I am also getting sleepy.

10:15pm
I’ve been texting and the thought of another shot isn’t very appealing. I’m feeling pretty buzzed and sleepy and I’m not sure if another shot will do anything but enhance those feelings, or even make me feel sick.

Think I might myself one of my own versions of an Oatmeal Cookie… Should be enough to put me out…

10:20pm
I notice that my teeth feel somewhat numb. Odd. My typing has gone to shit too. I’m having to backspace like every word.

I think the next time I do an experiment like this, I will NOT backspace and see how bad the errors get! Mental note!

10:23pm
I went downstairs to get another drink. As I walked down the stairs, I realized I’m getting buzzed and said, “Fuck it – I’m going to bed!” I came back up here to type this out… and go to bed! I’m not staggering around, but I’m determined to do this again with a lot more alcohol, and more time to see the effects.

Damn I’m a light weight! Whoo hoo!