Handling Verbal Confrontation

Have you ever been pushed into a fight? Has someone ever just pushed your buttons to the point that you couldn’t help but fight with them? Most of us have. Well, I know I have. But if you stop and think about it, that’s really a sign of weakness on our part, and a symbol of control on the other person’s part – even if that other person is a child. We’re letting someone else control our emotions and our actions. And even though many of us think we’re strong people, when it comes to confrontation, all bets are off. I have news for you… if you allow someone to make you mad just by the things they say to you, at that moment you’re the weaker person. Words are just words, and I can’t believe people let them hurt so much. If a person wants to be mean and hurtful by the things they say, the worst thing you can do is let those words affect you. What they’re really doing is fishing for ways to get you to react the way they want… or they could be just unable to control their own anger. But that doesn’t mean you should lose control of your anger, too. I’ve told many people that I only saw my mother get really angry a few times my entire life. As a kid, no matter how much I screamed and yelled at her, she would never lose her cool or let me get to her. She remained calm, let me say what I had to say, and dealt with it in her own manner. Looking back, I applaud her for her self-control. Too many parents don’t exercise such restraint.

Remember: If you allow someone to push you into a shouting match, you’ve just handed them the keys to your self control…

Let me put it to you this way… What if I were to bring in your arch enemy – a person that really gets under your skin… and I was going to let this guy scream and yell at you for 10 minutes… And if you didn’t lose your temper during that time, I’d give you a million dollars. Could you do it? Of course you could! Even if your family and friends were there and this guy was lying through his teeth and you weren’t able to respond? Sure! You’d be able to find the self control to get the prize. You might even find the humor in this guy’s words while you kept calm. Well, if you can exercise that kind of self control for money, why not for yourself. Your happiness? Isn’t that worth something too?

I should mention that I’m certainly not talking about physical violence, as that’s a different story altogether. If someone is physically abusing you, you must get out of that situation and seek help immediately. But the issue at hand here is a verbal confrontation – between husbands and wives, co-workers, or friends. The kinds of arguments that normally civil people engage in.

Don’t allow someone to take the keys to your self-control, your emotions, your feelings. The next time you’re confronted with a verbal assault, don’t get defensive and don’t yell back. Keep calm and tell yourself, “I’m not going to let this person control me!” The angrier that person gets, the more reserved and calm you must get. Eventually that person will give up because he couldn’t crack your shell. If you don’t crack, you win. You will exit with your dignity and a stronger person because of it.