January 14th, 2009
Nostradamus 101: Steps to Becoming a Prophet
So you want to be the next great psychic? Well in this one article, I will show you how to become “psychic” with the ability to forecast all of the major events coming up in the near future. Not convinced? I’m quite certain that all of today’s top psychics use every one of these steps to make their predictions.
Step 1. Be vague but sound specific, and predict what you know will happen.
This is the foundation of any great psychic. You need to sound like you are actually onto something. At some point you will be “right” with this information.
For general prophecy, you might say:
In the Year of the Zero, there will be a great earthquake.
There are earthquakes almost daily on the planet, so at some point you’ll be right. Even if there’s a medium tremor somewhere, you “predicted” it. In this example, every year between 2000 and 2009 could be interpreted as the “Year of the Zero” so you would have had a good chance to get that one right. 2010 through 2019 might be the “Year of the 1″ and so on. Basically your prediction has to be right, since you know there will be an earthquake somewhere between 2010 and 2019.
It’s also quite safe to predict fires, drought, etc.
There will be a great drought in the West.
No kidding.
Some prophets are specific, and rely on the fact that their specifics aren’t tracked. Or they make their predictions so far into the future that no one alive can prove them wrong. Nostradamus made a very specific prediction about 1999, which did not happen. Revisionists are already re-interpreting this, claiming that “1999″ was actually a code for September 11, 2001.
Warning. If you become specific, you could look really bad.
Like Sylva Browne. Nowadays she just opens her mouth and lets whatever comes to mind come out. She has such a huge following, few of which go back to see if her predictions were correct. Sometimes she speaks too early… Like the time on the Montel Williams Show when a woman started asking Sylvia about her deceased boyfriend who was never found, and before she could finish, Sylvia said he was “in water” only to find out he had died as a fireman in the Twin Towers on Sept. 11. Then the back-pedaling began. Or the time she told Sean Hornbeck’s parents that Sean had been abducted and murdered by a dark skinned man with dreadlocks. Problem is that Sean was found alive a few years later, having been abducted by a white man.
Might want to avoid specifics.
Step 2. Be symbolic
If you use symbolism, you can always go back and interpret your prophecy to match events that occurred after your prediction. I’ll make up a Nostradamus-sounding one as an example:
There will be fire in the sky as brothers weep.
Translation 1: Sept. 11. “Fire in the sky” referring to the attack atop the towers, and the “brothers” perhaps being the twin towers.
Translation 2: Global warming. “Fire in the sky” could be the warming of the atmosphere. The “brothers weeping” could be humanity’s knowledge of its demise.
Step 3. Be Apocalyptic
No one wants to read that everything will be paradise. Doomsday, Armageddon, the Apocalypse – those are what people want to hear about. This is the bread and butter of any great seer. If you can see such things, you take on a god-like status, and people will seek you out for answers out of fear.
Step 4. Use external sources to back up your prophecy.
While you’re making claims of disaster, it’s nice to have a little confirmation. Pull quotes from the Bible or Nostradamus to back up your claims as “proof” that your vision is on track. The books of Daniel and Revelation are excellent Biblical sources.
Conclusion
Now that you know the secrets of being a great seer, it’s up to you to grace the world with your visions.
And if you think this is a serious article, I recommend you call Sylvia Browne for additional consultation.