Dating Much Younger Women, part 1

Is she too young?
Should I even go there?
What will my friends – and her parents – think?
Is this kind of relationship immoral?

You’re probably reading this because you’re an older guy considering dating a much younger woman (or vice versa). It’s on your mind and you want some info. This is the first of a series, looking at the various aspects of such a relationship.

Well…I’ve done the research, read the blogs and forums… and yeah there is some decent info out there. But I’ve lived it, and continue to live it as of this writing. At the age of 41, I entered into a relationship with an 18 year old.

Save the catcalls for someone else, please.

I’m not writing this for your approval. This is info, mainly for the 30-40+ guy eying a girl in the 18-22 range. If you don’t like it, go write your own blog about it.

Let me also say that despite age of consent laws in your state, if she’s under 18, don’t even go there. Look somewhere else and come back once the timer goes off. At 18, she is a legal adult and you can have a fully adult relationship with her. Before that, she is still a minor and you’re asking for trouble.

Such a relationship has special considerations, including the reaction of others, handling her immature side, pros and cons, and on and on. It’s a lot really. In the first part of this series, I’ll examine the most blatant obstacle you’ll encounter… the reaction.

The Reaction
Are you prepared for an avalanche of disapproval? On both sides? You’ll absolutely get it. And most people will see you as the guilty party, not your young girlfriend.

One of the most obvious caveats is that she most likely lives with her parents, and they will almost certainly disapprove to some extent. At best, they’ll accept it without liking it.

In my case, her father called me a “borderline pedophile” while the mother just said I was “too old,” but was more accepting of me. My parents, on the other hand, have no say in the matter, and didn’t really say anything to me. My guy friends mostly see her as a trophy and congratulate me with high fives, while my female friends say I am exercising bad judgment.

Her friends say it’s gross and don’t understand.

People will wonder what in the world the two of you could possibly have in common. Some will think she’s a gold digger. You’ll also hear, “Can’t you find a woman your age?” or that you’re going through midlife crisis, trying to recapture your youth at her expense.

We were at a store together and the female clerk saw her hugging on me and a conversation led toward our ages. The clerk literally glared at me, as if I were committing a crime. I bit my tongue and gave her a cocky smile.

You’ll be accused of taking advantage of her, or being controlling and manipulating. Or called blind for not seeing her as a gold digger. I don’t even really mind any of that because I can handle it. I suppose what bugs me are the comments I can’t refute, those behind my back. But in that case, I have to let it go until I’m confronted. And when I am, my standard response to the initial disapproval goes something like this…

Oh it’s ok for some punk 20 year old with his hat on sideways and ass hanging out of his pants, who still wants a mommy and does nothing but plays video games all day – he can treat her like shit but because he’s 20, it’s ok… but because I’m older, despite the fact that I treat her well, it’s wrong?

I have yet to hear a good response to that one. They still may not approve, but it quiets the roar a bit.

You can join the world of interracial and gay couples, who will always earn the scorn of some. I don’t mind the reaction because I’m not one to care. But if you are, beware.

And even if you are immune to the reaction, you’ve only scratched the surface of what’s in store. The next article in this series will examine some of the better aspects of this type of relationship.