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I loathe the title of this article, by the way. It smacks of cliché and douchebagness. But I had to name it that, because that’s what YOU were searching for, right? And what you found were endless sites of non-specifics and signing up for e-books.

Well wake up and have some waffles. I’ll give you some info for free, in this first part of what will be a series on the topic.

I was married 15 years and dated very little before that. I entered the marriage in pussy mode when it came to women. That’s right, I said it. But let me tell you…15 years with a woman can change all that. Well, it did for me. After my divorce, I found myself in my late 30’s in the single market again. This time with a completely different attitude. I wanted to have some fun and didn’t really give a shit who I impressed.

Turns out, that’s exactly what many women want in a man.

You’ve probably read about the infamous pickup artist “Mystery” – and I’ve read a few of his writings and saw that gawdawful TV show of his. I suppose he has a few valid points, but his approach is geared toward selling his cheesy “camps” and merchandise, with huge fundamental flaws of over-generalization. And there are others, such as Ross Jeffries, who is barely any different than Mystery.

The ideas are all black and white. You are either a pussy or a pickup artist. His techniques work all the time, and yours never do. All women are basically the same… I love all the terms they have for the techniques (Negs, OQ, etc.). It’s said that a true artist makes his art seem easy. Mystery complicates the hell out of his techniques, perhaps so you’ll buy his stuff. I don’t know. It really isn’t that hard.

I’ve had a lot of success meeting and dating women, and my approach is a lot different than his.

His techniques in seem geared toward a buzzed 25-year-old party girl in a club or a bar, and even then it won’t always work. And if it does, chances are she’s falling for every other line thrown at her. Not all women are the same. Try those techniques with an intelligent, mature 35 year old you’ll be shot down in laughing flames. I see it all the time.

The first thing I agree with them about is that you have to not care if a woman responds. Additionally, you need to have to have a reason to talk to her, instead of just walking up to her with a look of defeat in your eyes. Yeah, that has a chance in hell of working…

Don’t read on. Look at that again. I said you must have a reason to talk to her. Just walking up and saying “hi” most likely won’t work unless she is already eying you.

Mystery will tell you to stand sideways to them and say something like, “Hey did you see the fight outside?” And I suppose that can work sometimes. But seriously? A lot of women will see through that transparency.

One of the last times I was out and picked up a woman, I actually moved in on a girl that had just shot a Mystery-type guy down in flames. He looked a lot like me, was tall, handsome, and smooth. But he struck out with her, and I didn’t. It went like this…

I walked into a karaoke bar, and headed to the bar to order a beer. My wingman hadn’t even arrived yet, so I was flying solo. I noticed two very cute girls at the bar next to me talking to this tall, attractive bald guy. I was a bit put off because he kind of looked like a hotter version of me. I thought he might be competition for women in the bar who were attracted to my particular look. I took a couple sips of my beer, and noticed him walking away. I also noticed them giggling at him.

That was my opportunity. And I pounced.

I started to walk past them, but stopped and looked over to the cute blonde and asked, “Were you just laughing at that guy?” I wasn’t overly polite or rude, but simply asked her in the same joking way I would have asked my best friend. I was just being me. She smiled at my question and hesitated, so I asked, “What, was he a douchebag?” The two girls erupted in laughter and spent the next 10 minutes telling me what as ass he was.

I was in.

By the time my wingman arrived, I was already deeply involved in a conversation with both women. And by the end of the night, the cute blonde and I were all over each other, making out right there in the bar, and I ended up taking her home.

My “in” with her was not from a canned, forced line. If they hadn’t responded to my initial question, I wouldn’t have pushed it and would have moved on. But I asked them in a non-threatening, non-desperate way. Also I gave myself a little edge by referring to him as a douchebag. A “nice guy” wouldn’t say that. And I actually had a reason to talk to them – because I was genuinely curious if they had been laughing at that guy.

Nice guys are the kiss of death, but so are douchebags. I was the anti-douchebag. Cool, funny, confident, but also intelligent and approachable. And most douchebags don’t point out or even acknowledge other douchebags. It’s the sweet spot women like in a guy. Somewhere in between ass and wuss.

Remember that you can’t just pick out one woman and say, “That’s her.” Of course you can cast your line at her, but no matter how cool, funny, or smooth you are, some women will not bite – despite what the “pro” pickup artists say. Don’t take it personally and don’t care if she responds or not. The moment you care, it will be written all over your face. A woman is attracted to a man who is comfortable and confident. If you’re awkward in your approach, you’re done before you open your mouth.

I’ll delve into more detail in the next article. For now, just remember that you should never “approach” a woman, unless you actually have a reason to talk to her or truly don’t care if she responds or not. And don’t believe everything you read by the famous pickup artists or you could be the next opportunity for some other guy to pick up the girl who just shot you down.