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Signs You Live With A Meth User

Signs You Live With A Meth User

I originally wrote a similar article detailing my 15-year life with a meth user. I have yet to post it. While I still plan to post that at some point, I found it too difficult to publish at this point. If you’ve lived with a meth user, you know how emotionally, physically, and mentally draining it can be. So for the time being, I will compromise with myself and post a more objective description of meth use.I’ve read other sites, and sometimes I get the idea these “experts” have never lived with a meth user through the worst of it. I don’t write this with the expertise of a doctor who has studied patients and run tests.

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I lived with a user. For well over a decade. I was married into a family of them. I saw her family and friends all doing it. Through my ordeal I learned to hate the drug, but I also became quite familiar with the signs and the cycle that follows meth use. I may not be an expert at treating it, but I am definitely an expert at spotting it.

If you feel like someone you love may be using meth, I will describe what you might be seeing.

One common denominator of meth use is secrecy. If you’re not a fellow user or supplier, you won’t be privy to the truth of their world. They’ll lie to your face and assume you believe everything they say. Users hide their addictions, deny it, and sometimes even ridicule others for doing it (perhaps to throw us off the scent?).

Just before using, you might sense something is going on. You’ll see unusual behavior, such as disappearing into another room to take a call, going into the bathroom for 20 minutes, running a sudden “errand” that would normally wait (such as running out for milk at 1am when you still have half a gallon in the fridge). You might also see certain “friends” show up for very brief visits, sometimes not even getting out of their car.

If you haven’t been able to translate the above issues – wow you’re slow! No, just kidding. Haha.. They simply mean the meth user is looking for some drugs.

The Deal
A meth user will often go on the hunt for their drug. They’ll disappear to make phone calls, or even drive to their dealer’s house if the can’t contact him. Those are the “errands” they usually run. Or sometimes their dealer might even show up, either having been called or maybe just making a courtesy call to see if the user needs anything.

How thoughtful.

After the deal, the meth user will then go do the deed. It could be in the bathroom or in their car in a nearby field. They might also do it somewhere that is more “meth friendly” than around you, such as at another user’s house. The actual use is very brief – only a few moments.

You might see remnants of the use, such as straws, pieces of tin foil, small bags or pieces of plastic wrap, razor blades, lighters – you get the idea. These things are all standard meth-related items. If the user snorted it, he could be touching his nose often because of the sensation/irritation of sucking it up his nose.

Hey we’re just getting started. This is where you enter the picture and start to see things.

The High
After doing meth, the user will display some very obvious and animated signs. The pupils will be dilated. To me that was always the tip-off. Dilated eyes, even in a bright room, were always immediate and obvious. The skin is warm to the touch and heart is pounding. You will see a mood that is a little bit too happy. And lots of energy. Meth users often get little or no sleep for days after using. They will also display exaggerated or semi-uncontrolled mannerisms, such as constant cleaning, preening, talking, etc., along with uncontrolled twitching or facial tics. During the high, the meth user often lacks an appetite and may go an entire day eating virtually nothing. It’s not uncommon to see them overly productive, such as cleaning or doing repetitive tasks, even in the middle of the night. They might pick at their hair or skin repeatedly. Almost obsessively. When they do sleep, it might be agitated and filled with movement, sweating, talking, laughing, or gibberish. The user may exhibit a heightened sexual arousal. You may even notice that the person has an unusual odor.

So why do meth users want to be this way? They don’t. Those are only the things being externalized. Inside, they are experiencing a sense of euphoria, confidence, and well-being that is far beyond what they feel when sober. They live for the high, and deal with everything else.

Those of us on the outside can’t imagine how it becomes worth it. But it does.

The Plateau
There is a brief period between the high and the crash in which the user begins to shift behavior patters. I call this the Plateau. The high is coming to and end and the user begins to display new symptoms. He begins to slow down. He might still be animated, but in a less energetic state. If he can’t get more meth, he will start to head quickly into the crash.

The Crash (aka “Coming Down”)
When a meth user has exhausted his supply and what he ingested has worked its way through his system, we have the crash. A crashing user might spend several days in bed. He might be asleep the entire time, or is awake but lethargic. He might only getting up to use the restroom or have a quick snack. The worst part of the crash is that it’s typically accompanied by a very agitated and foul demeanor. The user can get violent and display psychotic traits and huge mood swings. Lethargic, irrational, angry, moody, and confused – these are all signs of the crash.

From my perspective, this was by far the worst part. Whereas the user is mostly irritating during the high, he is more likely to focus his crashing ire directly at you. You will likely get sucked into absurd arguments or even find yourself dodging violent behavior.

It can last a few days. A few days of hell.

The Recovery
As the crash wears off, the meth user begins to revert back to his pre-high self. He might even exhibit better than normal behavior.

And just when you think life is back to normal, the cycle soon repeats and the roller coaster ride begins again. It is exhausting and frustrating for the loved ones enduring it.

Though I’ve focused on the short-term signs of meth use, I should point out that there are long-term signs of meth use as well. Weight loss, tooth decay, poor hygiene, increased acne, dry skin, hair loss, mental illness, memory loss, paranoia, depression, and psychosis are all possible. Not all of these are necessarily reversible.

If you suspect someone you love is using meth, you need to get help. If you can’t get help, you need to get out.

Note: in 2011 I posted a follow-up to this article, about avoiding your own addiction to the addict.

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  • Laura Jean Hoeffner

    My roommates son thinks his mom is using meth but all the signs I just read I have never seen with her, so is it wrong for me just to stay out of it?

  • Anonymous

    This was very emotional reading that..I’m only 14. My brother started out with smoking marijuana from when he was 13 (currently 22) then once he was 15/16 he was hanging around and sleeping at chronic heroin and meth and my mum always suspected something was up. The last 2 years we have been dealing with both emotional and physical abuse..yet he has never admitted it. We know. It’s hard on families because he always makes me and my mum feel like we never help him..he has lived with my mum for free and eating our food when we don’t have much money for the last 2 years while doing drugs..he has always had a bad temper but he would never hit or bash me and my mum..I used to wake up to him being in his room at 4 in the morning with his light on for hours when he was “asleep”, to him constantly getting up through the night to go outside to “have a smoke”. He was dating a girl who has done those drugs before she is very anorexic and has sunken in cheeks. She’s a horrible person. They would chase me down the treat scream in my mums face and mine..his favourite threat was saying that he will slit my throat in my sleep. Him and his girlfriend never eat food or shower and they sleep on a dirty mattress without changing there sheets for over 18 months..we would wake up to him screaming and hitting his head on walls at 4 in the morning..after about 2/3 days of chronic fighting and screaming and hitting me and my mum he would calm down and act normal for a day then it started over again..he always finds a way to make us feel guilty or say that he is normal and everyone else in this world has a problem he doesn’t..I just don’t get in a year how he’s gone from a nice boy to someone who hits women..from all this I have learned to hate drugs so maybe what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger xx :(

  • G

    I’m in the same boat :( and if you ever want to talk I’ll give you a contact email for me or my Facebook. It helps to have someone who’s been there or is there to talk to, especially when the one you love treats you like you are absolute sh-t.

  • Sandy M

    my son has been a meth user for 20 years. He has been in jail and rehab many times. He has been on life support 3 times. He has heb c now and brain damage. He has lost every thing and yet he continues to use. The only time I have any peace is when he is in jail or committed. My advice to everyone is it will NOT get better – you can’t fix him…..Run as fast as you can away from him. We have lost the war on drugs and a whole generation to meth. His life is so sad….don’t make his life your life. You deserve better.

    • waffles

      I’m sorry to hear of this tragedy. You are right that you can’t fix someone – at least unless they want to be fixed. Meth does not let go of people very easily.

  • Megan Turner

    I don’t know if my bf is a user or not I don’t ever find any pipes or straws no evidence or any thing and the symptoms that you name he is diagnased with he is 51/50 and his mother did method while pregnant with him and he has depression ptsd paranoia skitos bi polar and other mental illiness and memory loss because of a brain injury dry skin and acne cause its in his family and I thought it was heritary he’s only 24 and I just want to know if he does so maybe a random drug test or something

    • tfaulk13

      Do you know for sure that he has all of the mental disorders that you indicate. With all of his issues and history it almost seems like every item on a checklist that lists the risk factors for becoming a meth addict. What I mean is that just one or two of the issues he has would make him more likely to become a meth user. Since you have listed nearly every risk factor, then the likelihood of meth use is higher. The question is… Are all of these things risk factors for potential meth use or are they symptomatic of meth use. There are compelling arguements for both points of view.
      Either way, the outcome is not easy and the road to treatment and recovery often fail many times and put so many loved ones through hell so many times that it can have an impact on the mental health of the family or loved one. Do not allow this to happen in your life. Do not walk; run away as fast and as far as you can from the impending hell. Do not feel that you can be strong enough to get them clean and sober if they are not admitting to being an addict and very willing to discuss the drug and actively comment on what wrong actions they do while using. Any denial at all is an indicator that they for sure are not ready to quit and until they decide that they want to truly get help, any actions to help will be a total waste of time. You cannot make someone want to quit. You cannot say, ” if you love me, you will quit”. You cannot say, “if you love your child you will quit.” Because it is comparing apples to oranges. To say that if an addict has love for someone they will quit only works if the sole reason the addict began using is because of that person. Do you see how it works now ? Do not ever expect an addict to stop if they love you. It will not and has not ever worked in any situation I have heard of. It actually makes it more difficult for the addict to seek help because they do have the ability to love. They have just lost the ability to express it due to the brain alterations of meth. The meth makes them self centered. All of their actions are like a choreographed scene from a movie that repeats over and over. The desires, urgency and dependency on the drug consumes many hours and it gets worse.

  • anon

    My bf was using for years, he had all of these signs. He constantly betrayed my trust, lied to me and becasme abusive. He hit ‘rock bottom’ a few times, lost everything. By being true to myself and having the strength to leave him, he has come back to me in recovery. Addiction is an illness. My advice is No.1 support yourself, as hard as it is don’t get sucked into their behaviour and lies, keep in check of reality by listening to your friends and family or getting involved in a group that supports ‘families of meth users’, No2. when the user is ready to change, as hard as it it will be given all of the pain they have caused try to give them all of the unconditional love and support they need. Lastly, until they admit they are an addict and are ready to change, be strong- give yourself all of the love and support you can by distancing yourself from their destruction.

  • no name

    My mother in law is a user and she has used for at least 10 years. My father in law has been in recovery for 14 yesrs and also works for a clean and sober house’s. It bothers me that they just play blind and ignore the fact that she is using. Shes a good grandma to my kids. But I cant stand they allow her to just continue using and just turn a blind eye. Can anyone help me understand why they just let this happen?

    • waffles

      While everyone is different, my opinion is that some people just don’t want to deal with it and face the problem. It’s easier to just act like everything is normal rather than “rock the boat” and confront such a problem.

  • Anonymous1

    You’ve all made this so much clearer for me all the signs I saw were real and not me just imagining them I’m so happy I made the choice to leave now I just have to figure everything else out thank you all soo much

  • Anonymous1

    I’ve recently left my bf we have 2 kids together and he’s just changed so much lately and I just couldn’t take the lies and sneaking around any longer I know he has struggled with addiction most of his life and I started searching about meth and found this blog and everyone’s story’s sound like I wrote them it’s exactly how he acts. The problem I face is he wants to see our kids and now seeing this I’m sure he is using and I don’t want my kids around him if that’s the case is it fine to just not allow him to have them even without proof??? All this is so much harder with kids it’s easier for me to move on and take him out of my life but my kids put a whole new spin on things any thoughts or advice would be so appreciated

    • waffles

      Yes, it is tricky when you have kids. There are things you can do, like try to gauge how good or bad of a day he’s having before letting him see them. Or moving to a location that isn’t as convenient for him. If he gets into any legal trouble, you may want to consult a lawyer and use that as an opportunity to limit his custody or visitation. Your kids and your safety are your top priorities.

  • anonymous

    When I met my friend he was my dream come true. He told me about his past and he would take me everywhere he would go. Now he seldomly ask me to go with him. I’ve noticed that he does a lot of twitching while asleep, he has varies of sores on his stomach, arms and I’m concern about this. Can this be signs of him still on Meth?

    • anon

      definitely sounds like meth addiction, seek help yourself before you confront your friend. Stay supported.

  • Anonymous.

    My boyfriends mom and I are really close, I tell her everything and she tells me everything. She told me she recently relapsed. It was hard considering the fact my bf couldn’t know and she is definitely in danger. I dont want to see her get hurt as well as her kids. And myself. What is the best way to help. I will not let her struggle alone, im not going anywhere. but I need to now how I can help.

    • waffles

      She will have to want to get help for any assistance to be effective. But you can tell her you’ll be there for her, whether to talk or to attending counseling or meetings.

  • april

    I thought i was going crazy till i read all of this. I have asked him time and time again with him making me feel im insane but in my heart i know he is a liar and what is sad is ive never lied to him and i love him so much. I know now I must let him go it is not healthy for me or my children. He can lie to himself but I wont live this way anymore. Thanks for this sight it helped.

  • brad

    all the signs you stated I see everyday. 2 nights ago his eyes were dilated bad. his eyes are blue, but 2 nights ago they were completely black. it was light I was with the devil. since confronting him and him admitting it after lying so many times my life has change for the worse. I’m always stressed out, when I try to talk to him he immediately gets angry. drinking helps keep me calm, without drinking I’d be miserable. now am going to a group for myself because I can’t take the stress of finding meth evidence in my apartment anymore.

  • jackie

    My 53 year old daughter has been acting strangely for some time, A lot of the same things you wrote about. We tried to talk to her about it but she becomes very angry. She lives by her self, pays her own bills doesn’t ask for a thing from me. But is making very dangerous decision. How can I help her?

    • waffles

      It is hard to help someone who doesn’t want to get help. You can distance yourself from the problem, avoid enabling/supporting her, and be honest to her about your concerns. Most of all, keep yourself at a safe distance. Good luck.

  • brad

    I have been with my partner for a year. When I first met him he was upfront about his past and that he’s been clean for 8 years. he proposed to me on my bday 2 weeks ago. Everything was fine until 5 days ago he spent almost an hour in the bathroom. I went in after he came out and found a meth pipe wrapped in a towel. I confronted him and he lied 3 times. by the 4th time asking he finally admitted using. he said he would stop, then today another meth pipe hidden in the closet. I’m so frustrated, depressed, terrified and feel betrayed. I love to death and I don’t want to give up. I just want him to get help before things get worse.

    • waffles

      Giving up is easier said than done. The betrayal you feel is all too familiar, and it was hard to get past. Even years later, I don’t think I ever did. Good luck, and keep us updated.

  • hopeful

    Hi there!

    Like many of you I have someone in my life that has fallen victim of this terrible poison. As I read the actual article I honestly didn’t learn to much about item simply because I already knew it. It was a bit comforting to not have that alone feeling.

    The problemi

  • T

    Hey everyone, I have been reading these forums a lot lately, trying to determine if my boyfriend of 6 years, has a meth problem. So I am going to put all the business out there and hopefully get some help to ease my mind.
    When I met him, I had no idea about his past. We just clicked and finally moved in together after dating about 2 years. Before we moved in together, he would totally drop from the face of the earth, he would go days, and weeks without a single word to me, no phone calls no nothing! I would go crazy, like what could I have done wrong and text and call him, stop by his house, nothing, and then one day out the blue he would just show up again. At the time things were a little complicated with his baby mama and so I thought that was the cause of it all. Anyway we moved in together and I thought I was on top of the world. We were so great together. Shortly after moving in together I noticed he had a few Ecstasy pills in his drawer, he said he was holding them for someone, and my ass should not have believed him..shortly after that while snooping through his stuff :) I found two pipes, they were broken but had a ton of black residue on them, I was afraid to tough them so I put them back and never said anything, I was naive. Anyway the most resent problems are by far the worst about a year ago, I noticed him changing, he would stay up all night, maybe for 2 days sometimes,he would have a weird almost blank look on his face, he wouldn’t eat anything and he would just keep all to himself and I didn’t really think much of it, unfortunately…but now looking back at it, we didn’t talk much, didn’t spend much time together at all. He would work in his basement and I would tend to the kids upstairs, if I went down he wouldn’t talk to me or even look at me so I would just go back upstairs. I thought he was just depressed, and needed some time to be alone. (Okay, I am kind of all over the place here because I am very nervous to write about this stuff.) Anyway in June he lost his job, he just stopped going one day and finally they let him go after being so cool about him missing so much work…that is when everything was there right in front of my face and I was positive it was because of meth use. I would come home and his eyes would look all funny, and the way he would move his mouth when he talked was just weird. So I started looking it up, and snooping through his phone, and this and that. Let’s just say he was caught, but then I was so nervous to question him about it..and when I finally had the courage to do so, he ended up being messed up, so he flipped on me, screaming and hollering, threatening to leave me, telling me I don’t understand anything about it and this and that…ok so fast forward a day or 2, we finally sit down to talk and I thought I made my points clear as day. I told him I didn’t want him to do it anymore, and to stop hanging with the guys that do it, and he admitted to me that he had been addicted to it before. So he has already been addicted?? I was shocked, I had no idea…so he promised he would “try” to stop, telling me that I don’t understand and asking me if I could just quit smoking cigarettes cold turkey and this and that. He said he was ready to be done, but that it was an addiction. And wouldn’t you know it, it hasn’t stopped. If anything guys it is getting worse, he was doing it every few months, then every few weeks, and now its like once or twice a week. He doesn’t work, he wont go look for work. He was getting $70 on unemployment and the day he got it, it was gone, and if I ask him for any money it turns into a huge fight. This isn’t us. We have a 7 year old and a 2 year old and i want him to be the father and husband I know he can be. I don’t want this to be the story of my life, trying to save someone from their own demons, I am just afraid. He has admitted he has a problem and comes off that he wants to stop but he isn’t showing it.It is still a touchy subject to talk about. It turns me off when I see him this way, and then when he is sober he expects everything to be ok..when it isn’t.
    He talked to me this last weekend about it, and said that he see’s me trying not to flip out when I notice that he has been doing it, and that he really appreciates it and just to give him time and this and that and everything will change. But I have a bad feeling the second he dropped me off for work after lunch today, he went and got high, and honestly IDK if I am going to be able to keep my cool much longer…he is ruining our family and I just want him to realize that. If I try to argue or fight with him while he is high, he denies it and somehow ends up making me feel like I am in the wrong for accusing him. I have thought about al-anon and everything…this is just becoming to much for me, I am afraid if he doesn’t change then we will not make it. Sorry so long, just need to get it out. I know he wont get help himself, because he thinks he is strong enough to just kick the habit, but this meth is crawling around every corner in our tiny little town. Just when I think all of his connects have been caught up or raided he somehow still manages to get it…PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!!

  • Sarah

    Paula, I would like some advice from you. It sounds like you went through exactly what I am going through right now. I am not ready to give up on my marriage but I don’t know how else to convince him to get help. How do I get him to quit without getting him to admit it first? Where did you send your husbands hair off to get tested? Was it expensive? I have found meth in the house once and saw a couple incriminating text messages but somehow he has an explanation for everything. I feel the same way about his habit. I would rather he had an affair than developed a drug addiction because at least then he would be a healthy liar instead of a liar who is slowly killing himself and setting a bad example for our kids.

  • trishafaye

    So my dad doesn’t come home until late like around 3 in the morning. or just doesn’t come home at all. and once he was gone for most of the day on top of that. another time he was ‘being held up at work’ and he came to pick me and my siblings up from our moms just on time to get to his house before his girlfriend got home. I know that our neighbor, who my dads been really good friends with since we’ve moved in here, is a meth addict….and that’s where my dad spends most of his time. and when he’s home he seems anxious and all that I tried to look at his eyes but I didn’t notice anything, then again I was looking for marijuana symptoms (he’s known to have used marijuana a few years ago). This just started maybe three months ago… and its not just when me and my siblings are at our mothers, its almost all the time. He always looks guilty too… I’m only 15 so I can’t really do anything about it and if I did I’d have to live with my mom because all I can think about is getting the law involved and I really don’t want that… So do you think he’s using it? or might it be something else..?

    • waffles

      It can be hard to tell sometimes. Besides the eyes, look for other symptoms such as too much or too little sleep, dental or skin problems, odd mannerisms, etc. Do you have another trusted adult with whom you can speak? An aunt, older sibling, or grandparent for example? Or perhaps you could approach your dad and tell him your concerns, if you feel it is safe to do so. Good luck, and please check back with us again soon.

      • trishafaye

        Uh, well his jobs always allowed him too little of sleep, and I don’t know if his teeth or skin would start showing to where anyone would notice would it? like this has gone on for like maybe 3 to 4 months now. And he’s normally a goofy guy but idk how to explain how he acts different like you have to know him cause my best friend noticed he’s been acting strange lately. And I can’t really talk to anyone about it cause my siblings are all younger, and I’m currently trying to live with my dad most of the time so I don’t have to be around my mother… So if anything were to happen I really can’t lose my dad cause then I’d be going through hell all the time with my mother… If he leaves again tonight I could possibly call him out on it. But thanks for some help, I really appreciate it.

        • waffles

          Good luck again, and check back again soon to let us know how it’s going.

  • Cheri


    I feel for you. Trust your instincts and find the courage to go. That being said if you are anything like me you probably won’t. I was given the same advice and is stayed. I don’t want to be negative but the verbal abuse will probably escalate. Several months ago I had posted here and did not think things could really get worse until I was thrown through a wall in October. I filed for a restraining order but they could not find him to serve him. He did get arrested last month for it and has to pay fines, go to counseling and is on probation. I should be done with him but instead am trying yet again to give him another chance hoping this time he can stay clean. It’s a horrible cycle and even if they admit they have a problem it won’t mean it will go away. It’s so hard to love someone with this addiction and watch what it does to them. Please remember to take care of yourself first. My thoughts are with you.

  • Bianca

    I don’t even know where to start. My partner has been using marijuana since well before we got together two and a half years ago and I’m now positive he is using meth. I suspected a few weeks ago he might be up to something as he’s been hanging around a guy who has a drug problem and this guy has been turning up at our house at all times of the night. I also found a spoon that looked burnt and had white residue all over it.
    Looking back, the signs have been there and I was too naive to notice. We have been having petty arguments over very silly things and his mood swings have been insane. So many things have been broken in our home. Huge sums of money are missing from his bank account that he can’t explain. He goes 1 or 2 nights in a row with no sleep and he explained it’s due to stress because he has his own business. I admit I believed this but last night I found a pipe that is clearly being used to smoke meth. This was after we had attempted to finish our xmas shopping but gave up because he was way too agitated and kept verbally abusing me. He then accused me of stealing tools from his shed and spent all of xmas eve turning the house upside down looking for these tools I apparently stole. He even checked my handbag. He was extremely paranoid and his pupils were huge. I asked him about his pupils and he accused me of being on drugs. He also said he’s had enough of me and my stealing and that he can’t trust me. I tried to stay very calm because I was pretty scared. I didn’t actually tell him I know what he’s up to and I don’t know if he will ever admit he has a problem. His younger brother committed suicide almost 2 years ago after getting addicted to meth and I’m very scared my partner will end up the same. It’s now xmas morning and he is asleep. I’m scared what will happen when he wakes up. The moods and violence have been occurring for a while but his psychotic episode last night was a first….unless I’m extremely ignorant. The night before that he was his usual loving self and telling me he’s so glad he has found me. We have also been trying to fall pregnant and now I don’t know what to do. I’ve had to cancel xmas day plans with my family because I can’t let them see him like this. They absolutely adore him. Do I ride this out with him and hope he admits he has a problem? Turning my back on him and walking away just doesn’t seem right. I love him too much.
    Thank you for listening to me rant. Knowing I’m not alone in this battle is reassuring. Good luck everybody and Merry Christmas.

  • noreen

    Wow this is so beyond sad. my husband is 43 and a meth addict. I just filed for divorce. its been very hard but u just described my husband. this is an awful awful drug. I knew nothing about meth till now. my husband got violant physically verbally and emotionally. nothing but lies stealing from me and my kids. cheating.. get out while you can. I know its hard but for your own safety and well being get out!they cant love using meth not even their own kids… its been almost two months since hes been gone and as much as I miss the man I fell in love with hes gone and I dnt regret filing for divorce. but you also need help coping with the loss.. im grateful to god I got out alive! no joke… when I start missing and cry for him I just think about all the pain , the heartache, the hell!!!! he put me through… we cant change them no matter how much you love them… what a waste of life. the thing is it just doesn’t affect the user it destroys familys kids husbands wives fathers mothers:(… absolutely devastating… its comforting to talk to someone who truly understands. I hope we can all help someone else in some way. reading these stories has helped me… I was so hurt he couldn’t didn’t luv me but its not us its truly the drug… well God bless to all who are suffering because of this evil drug!

  • deedee

    Try for this post its so my life I don’t wanna leave but I knows I have to it breaks my heart and I’m scared

  • carrie

    Thank you for all of your comments, much appreciated. I have great concern about my sister. I am not sure what she is doing, but I do know that she was smoking synthetic weed for a couple of years, she admitted this to me. Now, however, I think there could be a possibility that she is smoking meth? She is extremely thin, it’s sickly looking. Her teeth are either stained or decaying, I just don’t know. Does any one know about any thing about synthetic pot? She showed it to me, and has since said she’s not smoking it any more. I don’t believe her though, and my husband said she might be doing meth? He has a friend who’s girlfriend is a meth user and has lost most of her teeth. I’ve met her, and her teeth or what is left of them, look awful. Now my sister’s teeth are bad, they look gray and it almost looks like there is tobacco stuck in them. That’s what she said, that it’s from smoking the synthetic weed? My fried came with me to see her, and she said her teeth are rotting. Could she be smoking meth without her husband not even knowing? I know this sounds so ignorant, but where in the heck would she buy meth, they live in a really upscale small town. She seemed coherent when we were with her, and I can usually tell by her voice, if she’s on something. It’s like she has changed so much physically within the last 2 years, and no one seems to really take much notice other than myself. I’m not around her every day, like I used to be, so when I see her, I become upset and confused. I am in recovery myself, from alcohol and pills. She too has struggled with the same addictions. I am perplexed as to why her husband doesn’t see what is right in front of him. My husband knows immediately if I’m using, and my last big relapse over a year ago, he took me to the hospital right away to be detoxed and admitted in to an opiate recovery program. I don’t know whether to approach her about meth or not? Any advice from any one familiar with the physical and emotional effects of methamphetamine abuse is greatly needed. Or, could this be a side effect of the synthetic weed? I just don’t know. I’m so scared for her, and don’t want to lose her. Why would someone let their teeth look like that unless some thing is wrong? I know I have to keep my distance because it messes me up, but I can’t stop thinking about her. It seems like there is no hope from many of the comments, and she is very familiar with the “program” and what she needs to do. But actions speak volumes over words. I feel like she will die unless I intervene, because no one else will.

  • Christina

    I’m having a hard time believing my ex of nine years when he tells me he’s not smoking meth. I moved out about a year ago so we can work on things and about two months ago I read a text in his phone saying his buddy was coming over with some spoof. First red flag. Then I went snooping one day in the garage and found six different pipes. Second red flag. I knew that once in a blue moon him and his buddies would get some cocaine or meth to party with, but I found three light bulbs and three pipes. He said his friends were doing stuff a while back and said I was lying about finding six of them. Then I get an email from our landlord telling me she was concerned because rent has not been paid in four months. Third red flag. I don’t love there so I don’t pay rent. We had our car repossessed back in Sept and cost us a lot of money to get back. He said he got behind because of the car. Then said it was none of my business because I don’t live there. He stopped drinking beer and has lost a ton of weight but his face looks sunken in. Fourth red flag. He put cameras up because the house is not in the best neighborhood. I don’t known that’s the reason or he’s becoming paranoid. When I come over we’ll go out to eat, his eyes don’t look dilated, he seems to be acting normal. I think he’s smoking method a few times a week. I don’t know. If I bring it up we just argue. Any ideas?

    • waffles

      Only you know what’s best, but based on my experiences…

      He will probably not admit it, so bringing it up may not do much good, unless you think he will respond to you calling him out on it. You probably never be able to “prove” his meth use, even if you found some on him. I found meth in our apartment once – and she still denied it! You just have to follow your instincts and do what’s in your best interest. He may or may not be doing meth, but the red flags are there, and it doesn’t sound like he’s in a good place.

      Since he is your ex, is it possible to put some distance between the two of you for a while?

      • Christina

        Yeah, it’s possible. I’m trying really hard to finish this semester strong and this is such a distraction. I love him to death but I know letting him go is best. At least for now. Thanks

  • may

    Reading your article has really brought me into this helpless feeling that ive been feeling for so long. I am currently living in this situation play by play. I live with a user nd a user/ dealer. I dont fall for any of their bull$#it no more, its so hard watching the people I love go thru a addiction that has taking over thier body. I feel like im stuck in a hole worrying about them while they enjoy thier high nd do wuatever they want. Of course they both deny it its all so obvious. The cycle of being good totget on everyones good side nd jut that one day they just dig out…its that moment in ur head like I knw something is up. But because im not a person to look into their eyes I just wait till the next day to notice signs of cleaning, active(more then usual) singing, making noises ect. Thats when I knw..then the high goes on for a few days. Then the grouchyness comes out which I also call it going down. Sleeps for days making annoyingly load irritating noise while sleeping. Then slowly bck to normal. Nd that is just for the user person I live with. The user/dealer I try to just stay away from. But watch his staying up late at night, mood swings, drinking, in nd out the house, druggies coming over, people seeing him with other druggies, always clearing throat, sniffling, in nd out the room nd bathroom, just the most obvious things…but he still denies it. So sad I just wanna move far far way nd never come back…thats just how I feel nd its family.

  • Kay

    What do you do when you feel like your parents have ruined your life because of their addictions to meth? I love my parents but, I also hate them because, I have to struggle in life because they can’t stop with their addictions. I always want to just disappear and not care about my family but it is so hard when they are the only ones you’ve got & then you have this guilty conscience killing you because you have to help them get help or they will never change but they are my PARENTS! Why do I have to make a move, why did I have to teach myself what is wrong from right. How to get a job, do things on my own, while my grandparents pay for all their stuff in denial and take care of them but, I’m the grandchild and have to do everything on my own! It’s not FAIR! I didn’t ask for this! My parents are so selfish… I wish I wasn’t even born at times because I feel like my mother may have been high while pregnant with me because, I am emotionally messed up, like I was born depressed.

  • Confused

    My husband only has few signs everything else he seems to do the opposite. For example he’ll be put all night but sleep like a regular person during the day. If he doesn’t go out he sleeps fine through the night. He doesn’t have bad skin or a loss of appetite. Usually he’ll have the drippy runny nose and he hasn’t had one sniffle. His boogers are filmy an crystally though. No cold sweats but he does twitch in his sleep but he doesn’t yell or scream or talk. Last week I found out he was looking on Craig’s list for escorts, but I think he was just looking at pics. Sex is the same we hardly have it, but when we do we have a good connection usually when he’s high it’s like I’m not there and he’s just trying to get off. His pupils were dilated, but when I turned on a light the adjusted. I’m not sure what to think I want to believe him, but I’m just not sure….your thoughts please :0)

    • waffles

      It will always be difficult to prove meth use unless you catch him in the act. It seems that – based on my experience – the meth user’s pupils remain large even in a well-lit room. From what you have written above, it doesn’t seem that your husband completely matches the description of most meth users I’ve encountered. Then again, not everyone reacts the same. You may try bringing up the topic of meth or drugs – even in a general sense – and see how he reacts to the topic.

  • Hopeless

    My husband has been an on and off again addict for 13 years. The first time he got out of control he kicked me and the kids out when I caught him cheating on me. He literally threw our stuff out of the house. Of course he said he was sorry after losing us (he hates being alone) he came back. That was the worst, his mood swings were out of control. He slept all the time and when he wasn’t sleeping he was out all night. He hit me and put a gun to my head and threatened to kill me and my nephew. I kept telling myself that he was sick and needed and mad it through it. The second time was about 4 years later. I suspected he was cheating (he wasn’t screwing her he was getting high with her) and left. We still saw each other and that’s when I realized that he was using again. He was talking to girls, looking at singles websites, drippy runny nose and very moody. We’re talking one second he loved me and the next he couldn’t stand me. Well we got back together and now just a few months layer I feel that he’s using again. He’s becoming secretive, he stays put all night and when he comes home he’s either very happy or very mad or he sleeps all weekend and his stomach hurts. And it’s always my fault no matter what. The thing is he doesn’t have any normal signs of use. His pupils are only dilated when it’s dark and compared to my kids they look the same. He’s a big guys and eats. He showers and shaves. And the nights that he’s home he sleeps and wakes up like normal. The reason I think he’s using is he’ll sleep on and off all weekend, he’s moody, his boogers are sparkle, and he twitches when he sleeps. I do make comments and he just denies it. I don’t want to keep harping on it, but damn.

  • Shelly

    I agree my meth user, used for better part of 20 years! Lost his wife, his kids, his home, his family, EVERYTHING. He didn’t get “clean” till he spent 6 months in jail for child support. When he got out he had learned to control his addiction to the point if inly getting high occasionally! Then he met his second wife (also an addict) and they started family number two. When his son was 6 months old just started crawling, they had left him with a “friend” and he crawled into a room and ate a “Baggie” of meth. Nearly 6 days later and an obvious near death experience of his son, is what made him finally go through rehab and kick the addiction. 13 years later he hasn’t touched it but will still tell you if someone offered it he couldn’t say no! He moved, left everything he knew behind and started over with a clean slate. Knowing that was his ONLY option of staying of meth. However, he has replaced the meth with alcohol. One addiction for another smh!!!

  • Em

    Thank you…definitely more useful and more real than the doctor descriptions.

  • Tim

    My wife of 18 years started staying gone from the house for 7 to 8 hours a day for a wal mart trip, lost about 30 lbs in 30 days, she was in high gear all the time. She did quit her job this was 9 months ago, she moved back in and I noticed last night she left the house at 12 midnight to get cigs and had a half pack, she was gone for 2 hours, she came back and I smelled a somewhat sweet smell on her, and again she was washing clothes and stuff, this was 3 in the morning.. She is verbally abusive, attacks me for anything, I am a disabled Veteran who she is suppose to care for, That smell (Sweet like) is in her clothes and she denied it the last time. What does it look like?

  • Kare

    I am currently raising my sister’s 4 year-old son. He was taken from her by CPS for meth use. She has a 25 year history of drug use. There have been periods of time that we thought she was clean, but know now that she was maintenance using. In the past year, she’s hit a new high.(yes, pun intended – sometimes I laugh to keep from crying)Meth seems so much easier to conceal than crack. (her previously preferred drug) No true smell that’s easily identifiable, she doesn’t have the sores and weighs 250 pounds. To meet her, you would never dream she was a user! We finally figured out it was meth when she got my teenage son addicted. Seems she needed him to help her run drugs. She had him stealing so they could buy meth. This started when he was 15. We didn’t know what was going on until we took him to multiple counselors and psychiatrists. Finally, at age 19, while on probation for breaking in and entering various businesses in our small town, he failed a drug screen. I was lucky enough to be sitting there and see the results. That’s when I got my confession. He was sent to jail and gave me his cell phone and password. The texts between my son and sister were extremely enlightening. (another clue people – every meth user I know clutches their cell phone like they are lifelines!) Last year, at age 22, he was released from prison. Clean and hopeful. Within 8 months, my sister roped him back in. Now he’s newly divorced, in prison and the only belongings he owns are in a small duffle bag in my storage building. I can NOT stand my sister. I can not express enough the loathing I have for her. I am having to tolerate her until she signs the paper in the judge’s office, relinquishes the rights to her son to me and my husband. I have listened to her constant lying (every time her mouth opens) and watch the sweat pour off of her like water. Eyes are always dilated. Did I mention she tried to get my 20 year-old daughter to join her in getting high? My son was kind enough to give me her symptoms. (he’s so much friendlier and less psychotic when sober, even if he IS back in prison) 1. Profuse sweating 2.unable to roll eye balls upwards 3. talking fast.
    We know from experience that people staying in the bathroom for long periods of time are one of the number one clues. The stealing: These people have stolen everything of value they can get their hands on from our home and my parents. They steal stuff you would never expect. They have even stolen me and my husband’s wedding rings.
    Another thing: They will use a regular hollowed-out unfrosted light bulb for a meth pipe. My husband and I were finding these all over the place when my son was at home and didn’t know who or why. (I find it hilarious they will not use the frosted ones because it;s bad for their health). They don’t have to smoke it either. If desperate, they WILL eat it. They prefer not to, because it causes severe muscle aches when they come down. My sister is advanced and shoots it up with needles. She currently has a HUGE, infected hole in the bend of one plump knee.
    Here is our course of action that we are finding successful:
    1. Get them out of your house ASAP! Believe me, they will not be homeless. Their druggie friends will take them in… for a while. They will bounce around from friend to friend. Eventually, they will come begging to come home. NO! Don’t get into an argument, because they are very crafty and know how to appeal to your soft heart. Direct them to the nearest homeless shelter.
    2. Protect all children involved, even if it means contacting CPS. Our nephew has been through horrible neglect and abuse. We actually thought this child was autistic. Now, he is a lively, talkative, happy little boy who says he loves his mother, but he never wants to live with or or her mean boyfriend.
    3. Never give them money – EVER. I do not mind providing a hot meal from time to time. But no money, for no circumstances.
    4. Never EVER do something for them that they should be able to do for themselves. (the very definition of enabling) They will take one lapse as a sign of weakness on your part and start calling and harassing.
    5. Never believe a word they say. This is hard because if you are like me, you would love to have a normal family member and you can’t help but HOPE. But keep reminding yourself what you have already went through. I sometimes refer to the texts that were on my son’s phone to remind me.
    6. Above all, remember these are adults and they must live with the result of THEIR choices. It is up to them to bring themselves out of it. No one can make them sober again. You can preach until you are blue in the face… but sobriety is a choice THEY have to make. All you can do is love them from a distance.
    Now, a word of encouragement: When I found out my son was an addict, I fell into complete despair. It’s been several years since then. I finally picked my head up and took a look at the world and people around me. I found out that there actually are many people who HAVE beat this addiction and now function normally with wholesome families. Miracles DO happen.
    I also have God. He has given me strength and wisdom. My sister and son have a long road ahead of them. I am afraid my sister is “too far gone”. (a phrase termed by drug addicts for other drug addicted who have went too far – those too far gone never really come back from their addiction) Meanwhile, I will raise this precious boy and thank God we were able to get to him in time.

    • waffles

      Great tips, thank you so much for your input – and good luck!

  • Kevin

    I am running into the issue that I have never caught my wife doing METH. though I am curtain at this point she is doing it regularly. I’m also sure that a couple of my neighbors are also users and that’s where she is getting it from. I work a ton of hours and when I am home I dedicate my time to our three children, my wife has had a ton of medical problems, and she’s on a numerous medications. This is always her excuse, but she steals money all the time. Goes to Wal-Mart spend 200 on 100 dollars worth of Juice and Gatoraid and I’m sure gets the rest back as Cash. She is also addicted to Lottery tickets, I just recently opened a new bank account which is where the money will now be deposited. My friends think she’s a drug addict, and I’m tired of defending her to them, and my family. I’m planning on making her take a drug test tonight, but I don’t know what to do from there. Last time I threatened to leave her she said she was going to kill herself, she sat outside with a gun in her lap for a long time, I should have called the police, but I didn’t want to put her through hell, I knew she wasn’t going to do it, she just wanted attention like always. I’m confused, I’m lost, I want to do what’s right for my kids but I don’t even know if I’m a good enough man to raise them. They are great kids and I feel I would just let them down, but I think I’m letting them down more by doing nothing. Right?

    • waffles

      Your kids can’t protect themselves. It’s up to you to do it. You probably already know what you need to do, and I know first hand how hard it is to finally make that move.

  • James Van Asten

    I can relate to living with a meth user. I had an older brother who exhibited most of the behaviors of meth described here. Expensive items would disappear from my bedroom. Video games would disappear. He took my VCR which at the time was a $200 item. Not only did items disappear but he smelt really bad. He had mood swings. I could say the same comment at different times and one time he would be careless the other time overly sensitive. He always seamed to have bigger pupils. He would get angry and take it out on me. He would threaten to beat me up and kill me. It was hell living with him. 5 years later he is 3 hours away at a rehab center. My family now suspects he has ditched the rehab and is living with the other meth heads in the area. I am just happy i got out. I could not help him.

    • waffles

      It’s a long climb out to separate yourself from life with a meth user, but there is such relief when it is finally behind you. Thanks for your comment, and good luck!

  • Allie

    Hi wafflesatnoon,
    When are you going to post the article about living with a user for 15 years? I’m in limbo right now. I have a feeling my boyfriend is using meth- I’m ready to end it if he is but I can’t catch any hard cold evidence that he is. He has a lot of symptoms like displayed pupils, lots of energy, disappearing in spurts, but he hasn’t lost any weight, infact, he’s gained it. He threw up yesterday for no reason but it was brown spit up. He isn’t really into sex anymore, all he wants to do is sleep & lay down. He had a bad weed problem for years but I just have that gut feeling something’s up. in his sleep, he twitches & almost has panic attack-esque episodes & is always sweating. I think if he is using, he’s snorting but I can’t find a straw. Any help would be appreciated. don’t know if you can see my email address but I’d love to get more info from you if you can. Thanks so much.

    • waffles

      Hi there, and thanks for your comment.

      I have seen overweight meth users. While I can only speculate, in my experience I think they become overweight because they crave sweets at certain times, and during their crash I’ve seen them do nothing but eat and sleep for days.

      Some meth users smoke it instead of snorting. Meth users are hard to catch, so try not to get too caught up in that because in most cases you’ll just wind up frustrated. (My ex used to flush the straw down the toilet after use).

  • B

    I married my best friend12 years ago. Today I lay here
    Reading all this w my ( our) 9 year sleeping next
    To me. I myself have never tried any drug. My
    Now ex husband is an addict. He signed his right off to our son and
    Disappeared 8.5 years ago. We had the “perfect marriage”
    We were what most wanted…. I’m now a teacher and raising my
    Beautiful boy. I will meet w my ex for the first time in 9 years
    This weekend. Spoke for first time a week ago.
    He lives in a storage unit and rides a bike. I’m a
    Bit nervous!! I’m hoping to get closure. I always assed knew
    There had to be drugs involved. This drug, ruined the love
    Of my life and stole my sons father.

    • Rosi Kimball

      Gosh, you will not like what you are going to see..
      wish you the very best.

  • Nicole

    Meth truly is the “devil’s drug”. Until recently I had no knowledge of it other than it’s name and that it’s bad. I have smoked marijuana and am not an angel, but I did not know that this kind of hell existed.
    This past summer I began a 5 month relationship with a man who I watched turn into a different person right in front of my eyes. He was wonderful, very attentive and kind, but I now know that he was being manipulative and lying to me the entire time. I know now that he was using me for my kindness and nativity, and that I was enabling him unknowingly. I know how that he was using it from reading my journal entries of things that just weren’t adding you, but I just didn’t know what they were, or why. I also know now from his family finally telling me that he has been an addict off and on for 25 years. The family even told me to get out and that he is a lost cause.

    The typical things written in all the articles are 100% true! and I saw…
    – “disappearing” for days to go on binges (for my bf it was at the beginning of the month because this is when he got his money from the government for having been in the army).
    – never having any money about mid month and needing for someone to confer for him, always saying he’d pay them back.
    – disappearing into the bathroom for long periods of time
    – smelling like a very strange odor, cat urine almost
    – unexplained sores (end of the summer) that he tried to say was a rash until I figured it out cause they weren’t going away
    – a new, big lighter, not your typical bic lighter, a serous lighter
    – anxious and paranoid behavior
    – accusing me of being a stalker and spying on him
    – foul language and irritability (likely when he had run out and was done with the binge)
    – always being on his phone, checking text messaging and hiding it, saying he was playing a game when I knew he wasn’t
    – wanting to sleep during the day, or for days it seemed, which I later realized was the crash
    – being jumpy and having muscle twitches
    – dilated pupils
    – extreme sweating
    – heart pounding
    – terrible wheezing when he slept
    – twitches and taking gibberish in his sleep
    – started carrying his gun every where he went
    – was hospitalized due to a mild heart attack and hid it from me. They wanted to admit him but he wouldn’t stay.
    – hearing voices and asking me if there was someone there, or asking me if I said something over and over
    – tweaking: end of the summer and at the height (I think) of his meth use at least for this period of time, he hallucinated that people were after him and coming in the house through the windows, he attacked a shower curtain, pulled his gun, told his sister to call the police and was taken to the hospital.
    – told me in the hospital that he had been using and drinking for months, that one of the people after him was like a ghost, and that he was doing it with a group of “friends” I had no idea he had.
    – he was having sex with a paid escort on at least one occasion that I know of
    – he was texting many other women from a dating website
    – he had developed Erectile Dysfunction and was needing 2 Viagra pills to get an erection, but that didn’t help sometimes either. I have read that ED often happens to long time meth users.
    – He cycled through his use every month that I recognized once I went back through my journal. When he was at the end of a binge, he’d eat a lot of sweet foods and drank a gallon of sweet soda a day.
    – his teeth were rotting, and I discovered after it got at its worst and he was hospitalized that he has false teeth from meth use many years ago.
    – he was also homeless and lost everything many years ago.
    – he has diabetes 2, high blood pressure, ED, sleep disorder, anxiety and depression, and takes nearly 15 prescriptions for these and other things from the years of meth and alcohol abuse.
    – he thinks he is the victim and that everyone else is wrong
    – he does not really want to quit and will not get treatment
    – he sometimes says he wants to quit and thinks he can quit on his own, then says he can control it and just do it less
    – he lies all the time to everyone
    – he seems to enjoy that he is lying and getting away with it.
    – I saw him recently briefly and he said he isn’t using, then within 5 minutes admitted that has used once, just once he said, in the past two weeks.
    – he has very low self esteem and says he is a loser when he is actually not using and between binges, then when he is using he has a lot of energy and thinks he is invisible
    – his weight goes up and down, getting a gut and then nearly losing it all within a month through the cycle
    – he never smiles unless he is using
    – he is delusional in his thinking and doesn’t make sense
    – he thinks some things are normal, such as saying the children in the place where he and others are using are just fine.

    The list goes on. I can’t believe what I saw this summer, and even though I left him a month ago when I saw how bad it was and that he was putting me at risk by his sleeping around and hallucinating by taking out his gun, I am still having a very hard time being away from him. It’s heart breaking to see and realize I was a fool for so long. I hate knowing that deep inside is a person that is truly hurting. I know I can’t fix him, or enable him, and the best thing to do was to leave. His own family told me that he will and has taken down those around him, so get out.

    If anyone sees any of these behaviors, your best guess is that it is meth use, and your best bet if they will not seek professional treatment and continued treatment for sobriety is to get out, let them hit “rock bottom”. Your best bet also is that they will use again, especially if they were young when starting because of how it affects brain development.

    Thanks for reading. I hope it helps someone.

    • waffles

      Thanks for your input. Good luck.

  • Lilly

    My husband had been a meth addict since he was 13. He was literally born into it with both biological parents meth addicts n all proud of it. There is SOO much to our story BUT we are 35. He was in prison for 3 years before we met. I know the good people in his family..CHRISTIANS AS I AM. After the 3 years we dated for a year. He had gotten saved in prison. So the years of us being married plus prison time equals 9 years. Nine years he was clean. Right after our 5th year anniversary life broke me into pieces. I am cutting a lot of the story out BUT after that I was done. It surprised me all too much. I did everything to forget about him after the long months of painful grief. Something happen for those that completely have been sold out to CHRIST. Well I now am in waiting for my husbands return. If it had happened, who’s to say that it can’t happen again n for good this time. Believe me I don’t want to wait. Believe me I could care less about all his emotional battles starting over. Believe me I don’t want the emotional abuse back. SO I THE LORD KNOWS THAT MY HUSBAND MUST BE COMPLETELY ANEW. We will see. Now saying all that sometimes I feel crazy. Then I also remember words of others. When you doubt that’s when you know GOD HAS N IS SPEAKING TO YOU.

  • Peyttttttonnnn

    Like my dad was once a meth user and every other kind of drug user, which I was only like 6 then! He went to rehab, now I’m 14! I didn’t know at the time but now that I’m older I’ve caught on to his ways. He thinks I’m stupid and I’m not going to catch on to what he’s doing. Okay for example (today actually) he picked me up from school as usual, but I went to my room like I do every other day.. But today I was waiting till he went outside, I had my phone ready to catch where he was going. Of course I went to my moms window and saw him walking into the woods. I was terrified actually. I caught him going down there then watched him walk back up! He stayed back there for like 5-10 mins. I think he was getting his drug (meth) ready, because I saw him walk back up to the house with a few test tube looking things and something else, that I really couldn’t make out. Anyways he walked up to a tree and buried it, but not to far down. Then he went to the side of the house, and did same thing. Then walked to front of house, putting it like in a plant or behind it. I’m not really sure. But when he was finished doing that he walked up to the door with like one tube left. Walked into our kitchen grabbed a bowl and spoon, then out the back door. (Don’t forget I had this all on video, he didn’t see me because I was recording out windows) he then took off his shirt and did whatever he did.. (I didn’t get to catch that on tape or he would have seen me) anyways he walked back in and started washing the dishes. Ohh and a few days ago me and my mom got home like at 9pm getting back from the ICU seeing my great grandma. Well I guess he didn’t hear me walk in but as soon as he did, he ran from the kitchen to his room thing where he watches tv, while throwing something down (which I ran after him) then ran back to the kitchen putting something in the sink, the stove was on also, with nothing around it.. He tried acting it off like he was cooking something (but nothing around to cook)! His arm was bleeding! I looked him dead in the eye and said “I’m going to catch you” he said I wasn’t going to catch him doing anything which today obviously proved him wrong! Is this a sign or no, am I just getting parnoied?! These aren’t the only times he’s done something like this either!

  • Meridth

    Luckily for me, my husband of almost 8 years put the stuff down after the first time we met. He tells me sometimes that he wants to do it and it is still hard to resist sometimes but he is so much stronger than the addiction and I thank God for that. My problem now though is that we just moved to a new place with our son and I have to pick him up from the bus stop at this lady’s house every afternoon that I am 95% sure is a meth user. I want my son to be able to play with her son because they are the same age and have hit it off well but my husband and I agree that neither our son nor I will be going into their house due to the fact that even the fumes can be harmful and deadly. I just don’t have a guarantee that she does it, but she is very persistent that we come to her house and doesn’t seem to be capable of taking a hint. Do I just need to grow balls and confront her straight on? Because I have learned some signs over the years and she has sores all over her arms, she is skin-and-bone, has an awful written spot in between her to top front teeth and has a very odd demeanor.

    • waffles

      If you feel comfortable confronting her, it can’t hurt. You have no obligation to leave your son there, so don’t be afraid to make different arrangements if you feel uncomfortable being there.

  • Superman

    I have read ALL of the above and I have something to say to all of this.
    The flip side of the coin.
    I used crystal meth for 2 years straight. No breaks. No coming down. When I stopped, it was cold turkey, and I was done. Never to take it again.
    I’m not the rule, I am the exception to the rule.

    Typically, the only way to remove a meth user from his/ her meth habit is to remove him/ her from all the avenues of getting it. And that is after a lengthy rehab period that involves lots of counseling, sponsoring, hair wringing, and SEVERE honesty. Honesty on your part, not on theirs, because if they are addicted, they are lying. Anything to get the next hit. Trust me when I tell you that. You’re commitment to honesty should be this: set a boundary and stick to it. You give any sort of ground, and the mile will be theirs. A meth addict is wilier than you can ever imagine.

    • waffles

      Thanks for your input from a different perspective than most of us here. It’s great to hear that you were able to kick the habit. That doesn’t seem to be an easy task at all.

    • Rosi Kimball

      My boyfriend was using for a few Years, I was not in his Life at the Time. He was locked up in D.O.C., had to go through several Treatments & had to take more Education Classes in Com Core. It was his 2 th time around in the System, So yes, he has a History. He lost not only a lot in his Life over the Years, he also lost his entired Circle of his Family because of his Drug Abuse. Gosh, he told me his Story’s, his Life Experience he has made with it. I broke out in tears
      and told him, YOU ARE ALIVE !!!! This 3 Words had such an Impact on him, I made him cry ! Nobody really seem to give a Rats Tail about him while he was locked up, very sad but true. Sometimes, one Person can make a Difference in someone’s Life, one Step at the Time.
      I never did Drugs in my Life, so I don’t understand what’s going on in somebody’s Head while being suck down to Addiction of Drugs.
      Believing in someone, Trust & Support sure can make a Difference in someone’s life.
      I told my Boyfriend, that I have no Tolerance for Drugs nor Abusers, that I would leave him in a Heart Beat. We both know each other for 10 Years, we have been Friends but lost Contact over the Years. Was wondering about him ever since, and found out later on Why !!!!
      He have to stay Strong, avoid old Friends & Places related to his Past. Stay positive and everything will be alright.

  • CareBear

    I came to the scary conclusion that my landlady uses meth. I rent a basement apt in an upper-middle class area, she lives in the main part of the house. She’s 57. A recluse. Zero social life. I thought she was just eccentric. I’ve lived there over 2 yrs. It was very rare that I ever saw her. Then things began to change.
    –She called the cops at 5am and said she heard loud noises in the garage. Nothing was there. She later told me “I hear things sometimes.” And at another time, said (regarding the garage noise) “I think it was you!”
    –On another occasion she said she heard loud noises coming from my kitchen area (nothing was going on).
    –On another occasion she said “I sometimes hear things…I think maybe I’m still dreaming after I wake up.”
    –One day I saw that the stone decorative plaque surrounding her doorbell had been removed and flung feet away in the grass—broken into pieces. It was later placed back around the doorbell, cobbled back together.
    –Her mom died.
    –She was fired a week later
    –I used to NEVER see her, but now she was without a job, I ran into her on occasion + she always said disturbing things, like “I’ve been having a lot of meltdowns.”
    –I got the weirdest/strongest vibe out of nowhere, that she was determined and focused on trying to suck me into her dysfunctional world, and I was determined to avoid her. (This is weird b/c she was always totally isolated and a recluse) No visitors except repairmen.
    –She knocked on the internal door (to my basement, which she has access to 24/7) mumbling: she opened the door and looked grey like death. Literally. She looked like she had already died. She asked me to drive her to the E.R. (I said no–I’m very empathetic but had a tremendously ‘bad vibe’) so she called 911. She said she fell and hit her head.
    –3 days later: She called the cops and said she was “hearing voices” telling her someone was trying to kill her, and “they” had taken control of her computer. I went out to see what was going on+the cops asked me to go back to my apt. It scared me to know they left, and she was still home. Her lights were on all night long. That went on for days.
    –I was scared and would not sleep at night b/c she had access to my apt. I later would block the door at night with a piece of wood.
    –She called me a few days later to say, “I just went psychotic. That’s what it was.” She rambled and later said “I took a bunch of pills I wasn’t supposed to take.” I felt she was trying to make her “episode” sound better, but it just weirded me out more.
    –I left wood block in front of the internal door once when I left the house, she tried to get access and complained to me. “Do we have a trust issue or something?” (You think?)
    –Before there were any overt problems I sometimes felt someone had been in my “space” when I was away from the house. Lights were on that I didn’t leave on etc. I used to keep cash in a secret spot and it seemed $60 was missing once.
    –She has been fired from her new temp job.
    –I came to the conclusion she’s a meth smoker…b/c I’ve always smelled this weird smell coming through the vents and have never been able to figure out what it was. It smells kind of like something burnt, but also slightly sweet. Just different. It only happens when she’s home. It used to be in the mornings. For around 15-20 minutes. Then it started during evenings too. And supposedly she never cooks. (I’ve smelled food odors from her cooking 3x in over 2 years.)
    –She’s gaunt and starting to look a bit skeletal around the mouth–but no rotten teeth that I can see, and no sores. The old lady across the street who walks the landlady’s dog, says she only eats breakfast cereal–that’s all. And that she “looks really bad.”
    –She complains that she has severe short-term memory loss: lost a job interview b/c she could not remember the 3 kinds of writing she is trained in.
    –She complains that she has bad hand tremors. This, plus the smell and the severe short-term memory loss, and gauntness, make me think she is a meth addict, not a paranoid schizophrenic.
    –I’ve seen her hands shake. Her condition varies quite a bit…but when I smell the odor, I would knock on her door hours later to observe her condition…and her hands would be very shaky, and her complexion would look kind of sickly. Then she would be up late.
    –She often has said she’s having all kinds of health problems, and seeing a psychiatrist, neurologist etc. She has stomach problems, etc. But she says it almost like she has no idea why these things are happening. Why would a meth addict talk that way? Is that common?
    –Another weird thing I had noticed before things got really strange: if I came home after dark, many times as I got out of my car and walked across the lawn towards the house, she would suddenly turn the lights out. This happened dozens of times. It become clear that my presence was the “trigger” for all lights being turned off. It’s usually very dark, but whatever light(s) is on, she will turn off as I approach the house. (I have to walk around the back to my separate door.) Recently as I drove up, the entire house was lit up like a Christmas tree (unusual, but whatever). I went in to my apt around the back, changed my socks and shoes, put on a jacket, walked out and the entire place was pitch black dark.
    –My outdoor lights have mysteriously been breaking…meaning they’re no longer functional. One day, five new ones were out. It’s pitch black dark back there and scary. I even wondered if she knocked some of the lights out on purpose, b/c she seemed to become increasingly focused on me.
    –Most recently she told me not to open/use the garage. She put the garbage cans outside. She claimed there were “electrical problems” in the house b/c the garage door was making a loud noise and her printer didn’t work right. (But the printer pilot light was on.) Then the next day it was that her phone didn’t work. And the water pipes weren’t working. Anyway, I’ve been sleeping elsewhere since August and she’s had all sorts of excuses to inform me why she needs to go down to my apt. (E.g. “I need the electrician to check your TV.” Me: “I don’t have a TV.”) I came home one day and the electrical box outside the house was open, and wires exposed, and a dishwashing glove was on the box. Several days ago she was shaking all over and claimed she couldn’t get into my apt (What IS the constant obsession with getting into my apt?) It was not blocked at all. I made sure I didn’t leave the wood block there. She thought I had locked the door from my side. Me: “The door only locks from YOUR side. It’s always been that way.”

    Anyway, I’d be very appreciative of any feedback. I’m committed to leaving, b/c I value my health and safety. I’m vacating the premises and leaving all my furniture there tomorrow. (Just IKEA, nothing to cry about. But very inconvenient and costly overall to me.) Just taking what I can fit into my hatchback. The weird thing is I never got a lease, b/c she would always forget to give it to me!

    • waffles

      Just the mere length and detail of your words shows how consumed and upset you are with all of this. Getting away from such a toxic environment will give you a sense of relief beyond what you can imagine. There also may be an adjustment period, too. It’s hard to go from chaos to peace so quickly. Good luck!

      • CareBear

        Thanks very much for the reply, Waffles. I didn’t realize how long that post would be. I wrote it after reading some of the posts here (including your own) from people who had relationships with meth addicts. I can’t imagine how draining and difficult that must have been, given my arms-length situation has been so bizarre and tumultuous. I really appreciate the comment on “adjustment period.” Wise words. I think that must be what I’m in and it’s helpful to know what to expect.

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