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There are various forms of impotence, which is now usually referred to as erectile dysfunction, or just “E.D.”. This article will examine one variant of E.D., which is sometimes known as psychological impotence. And within this variant are even more splinters of causes, and “performance anxiety” is the focus here. This article does not cover any other physical or physiological forms of E.D.
A layman’s (nice pun!) definition of performance anxiety is basically… a guy worries about how well he’ll do in the sack to the point that he ends up unable to perform at all.

The earliest moments a man knows that sex is a possibility is when the anxiety can begin. It could be kissing on the couch, or even a suggestive hint by his date during dinner. It could even be days in advance. But at some point the man knows that sex is a possibility, and that’s when the slow torment begins.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, questions and fears begin to swirl.

Will I be able to get it up? If I do, will I be able to maintain and finish?
What will she think if it happens?
Will I be as good as other guys she’s been with?
Did I satisfy myself too recently and my sex drive isn’t as strong as it could be?
Has it been too long since my last orgasm, and I’ll finish too fast?

By the time the moment has arrived, the man with performance anxiety may have actually worried himself out of the ability to perform. If he does manage to focus on the moment and achieve an erection at the right time, he now has a new set of worries.

Once sex has begun, he begins to focus on how he is performing, and whether or not his partner is pleased. As sex goes on, the anxiety continues to shift…

Am I about to come? Almost there? Nope.
Uh oh, I hope I don’t lose my erection before I finish.
Could this be the moment? Not that time either.
Am I gonna run out of steam before we’re done?
I really hope I don’t lose this erection.
What if she comes before I do, and then I have to wait for her to say I can start up again?

The parade of thoughts can be more than a distraction, and guess what? He often eventually loses his erection, and it’s no wonder why. He spent so much time and energy focusing on if he would perform properly and if - or when - he might achieve orgasm that he was unable to simply enjoy the moment and let it happen.

Viagra, Cialis, etc. do work for many different types of ED. In the case of performance anxiety it often takes some of the pressure off and allows the man to enjoy it.

Will I lose my erection? Nah - you popped a Cialis earlier. We’re good.

Knowing that you have enhanced sexual function can go a long way to setting your mind at ease. Remember that these drugs improve function and not libido. They’ll allow you to keep your erection longer, but won’t get you one in the first place. Actually that’s only technically true… Knowing that you have enhanced function behind you can actually help you relax and get aroused easier. So while it doesn’t technically enhance libido, the peace of mind can help improve it.

There are also endless herbal supplements that have various unproven libido enhancing effects. Let met tell you about one bad story with one of those…

I was going out on a date with a lady I had been seeing, and I knew sex was likely to happen. So earlier that day I went to the store and picked up a bottle of libido enhancer, hoping for at least the placebo effect to kick in. On the back of the bottle it listed what seemed like about two dozen different supposed libido-enhancing herbs, many of which I had read about online. So I bought it and went home and popped a couple, then got ready for my date.

Later that night, the mood was right and I had a good feeling about where things were going. But… I started feeling very intense gas pains. Yup - those damn pills gave me gas! I was sure the pains could be relived if I could let the gas out… but there was no way I was about to unload right in front of this girl! So I held the gas in, and the pains got worse.

So in the end, the libido enhancer did remove all chances of me suffering from performance anxiety… because I couldn’t even get close to performing with those gas pains. I had to tell her I wasn’t feeling well in order to avoid having sex at all.

My luck.

Aside from drugs, there are other methods.

A simple solution is to have your partner agree that if you are unable to continue performing via intercourse, that she will stimulate and “finish” you some other way to help you achieve an orgasm. This at least removes to the pressure of “what if I don’t finish” from the equation. That alone can be huge.
It’s hard (another pun) for a woman to grasp why a man can’t maintain an erection for intercourse, yet he can easily get it up for a hand job.

The answer my dear ladies is that there is no pressure.

A man is typically the one doing the performing during intercourse, but it is a woman who is performing during a hand or blow job. A man can lay back and simply enjoy it with no pressure. And more important: Even if he gets soft for a moment, she can continue. That’s not the case with intercourse.

You could also take a couple of shots of Jager (my preference), or other alcohol. A few drinks will relax you enough to get all of those rogue thoughts of performance out of your head. But a few too many could also destroy your ability to function at all sexually. I seemed to have my best luck with about two shots of Jager and two beers.

Most guys don’t admit they have performance issues until they have to. You’re better off telling it to your prospective partner upfront. The honesty is a big plus, and at least you won’t have to start explaining why “it’s not you” after your boner mysteriously vanishes one minute before her orgasm. That’s never good.
If your partner knows you have this problem, most likely she will totally understand. In fact she might even benefit. If things don’t work out on your end, go down on her like never before! She will seriously not care about your anxiety if you know what you’re doing in that department. If she doesn’t understand, then your problem may have actually done you a huge favor and weeded out someone who is unable to understand or cope.

It’s important for your partner to know a few things about performance anxiety, particularly how to respond to it.

No matter how badly you perform, it should never matter to her. Relax and see if she can get you back up with her hand. If she is able to, try again. If it keeps going away but you feel a need for a release, she should help you achieve this. At least you’ll still feel a sexual connection, completion, and you’ll finish the encounter satisfied. The worst things a woman can do are to pressure the man or assume his inability to perform is related to her somehow. This will only make him feel worse.

For those of us who prefer to have fewer partners and longer relationships, performance anxiety tends to disappear over time. Often it’s the newness of a relationship that brings out the most anxiety. After some time has been spent with the same person, the anxiety often gets much better and a somewhat-normal sex life can often be achieved.

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